I make mistakes. I sincerely dislike being on the wrong end of wrong.
I occasionally let my mouth run away with me and say too much, say something out of line, hurtful, what have you... I will say, though, that I don't ever set out to intentionally hurt people. In my younger days, I was a spitfire, Baby. I let it fly, but these days I tend to keep a better hold of my tongue. I'm a work in progress.
Earlier this week, I made dinner plans with an old friend. I realized that I had a commitment for tonight (the night of our dinner) earlier today and my phone died, so I told myself that I'd charge my cell and call her before she got off of work to give her plenty of time to make other plans for dinner.
Call it mom brain, call it general forgetfulness, but I truly 100% blanked. I have never done anything like that in my life and I hope to never again. I should have met her for dinner at 6 and I realized that I'd totally forgotten at 6:30, with a dead cell phone and a room full of children that I'd committed to being responsible for tonight months earlier.
I called my dear friend and she was in the restaurant waiting for me. Can you imagine how low I felt? I've been sick with remorse all evening... which is coming up on about 5.5 hours now of just feeling positively ill over it.
I let myself forget someone as important to me as this friend. Who does that?!
Apparently, I did. I apologized profusely and told her that I was taking her out for a nice dinner to make it up to her, I even researched the cost of having flowers delivered to her at work, but alas- they are out of my budget. A delicious dinner next week and my heartfelt apologies will work or they won't.
Which brings me to something I've been marinating on tonight.
How quick are we to judge those around us who stick a foot in their mouth or make a simple mistake? Are we quick to accept the apology of a person who regularly takes care of business and has a momentary lapse in brain power or lapse of judgement?
I know that I hate being wronged, but being wronged gives me the opportunity to be upset, get over it, forgive, and move on. When you are the one who has wronged another person, you don't really deserve any sympathy, but you hope for understanding and forgiveness all the same.
Tonight, among many things, has taught me 1) to never ever make an appointment/date/plans without putting them in my date book AND phone, and 2) to make a conscious effort to show mercy, even when it is undeserved.
My friend could have bitten my head off tonight. She could have ripped me a new one. I absolutely deserved it. Do you think she did? Of course not, which only makes my sadness at hurting her unintentionally so much greater.
Isn't it stunning and humbling that we so often get what we don't deserve? We are blessed beyond measure and act entitled. We have a bad day and act like we deserved better, when we truly deserve and are owed nothing.
Humility. It's what's for dinner, at least for me.